Lately I've been thinking about how the numbers on the scale mess with my head a lot. I've been thinking about that because every day, I get on the scale with no idea what to expect. This phentermine experience is different from anything I have ever tried. And the weight loss numbers are really different, too. Check this out:
This is my weight on phentermine, starting on August 26. There is a pretty obvious pattern of lose, plateau, lose, plateau (and I know an actual plateau is more than a week long, but bear with me here!) What I actually experienced was a little confusing to me.
7 days at 249
7 days at 245
11 days at 240
6 days at 236, so far, as of today.
So it looks like after that initial big drop from water and bloat, my body likes to drop 4 or 5 pounds at a time and then stabilize at that new, lower weight for a week or so. That's actually not a bad thing, right? And it takes away the emotion that wells up after getting on the scale all week and seeing NO change even though you think you're doing everything right.
Not so confusing when I put it in writing! This is why I like blogging. I can think out loud, put it down, share, get feedback and clarify my thoughts and emotions. I can see and accept the pattern and know what to expect. A week of not losing doesn't mean anything is wrong. It means my body is getting better at staying the same, lower weight. That's what I want, especially when I get off phentermine and do NOT want to regain.
I feel really great. Normal. I'd say... not high energy, but pretty happy and calm and much better than I did 22 pounds heavier. It is kind of weird going back down the scale and having to dig into the smaller clothing drawers to find things that fit better. Like before, I am actually throwing away/giving away the "fat clothes" as I lose weight. I honestly regretted doing that before, because when I regained, I kept having to buy stuff that fit (cheap stuff, since I just KNEW I would not stay that fat forever) and I kept thinking of all the nicer quality, comfortable clothing I got rid of. I thought... boy, was I cocky to give away those clothes! I wish I had them now! But once again I am getting rid of the clothes because I am SURE I will never need those sizes again. Hopefully, this time I am right.
Basically it is getting colder and I only have one pair of long jeans that fit right now. I have a few pairs of capri length pants that I dug out of the smaller clothing pile and those fit, and I have some jeans that will fit in probably 10 or 15 pounds. I hope I can get enough weight off for them to fit before winter because I am NOT NOT NOT going to go buy another pair of fat jeans. I am SO DONE being this size, really done with it. I look in the mirror and I do see improvement, but man, I am still seeing morbidly obese. It's like when I got back over 250, my vision switched back to what it was when I weighed almost 280 pounds and the image of myself in my head is of morbid obesity. Funny since when I regained at first, I still thought of myself as thinner and just "a bit fat" and was always shocked to look in the mirror and see this really big person. It takes time for my brain to adjust, I guess. It'll be nice when I can think of myself in a thinner way again. It'll probably be awhile til that happens, though.
One of my exercise goals has been to walk my dogs every day (a mile each, separately, because one likes to chase squirrels and cats and the other gets annoyed and they tangle their leashes and it's a supreme headache. One dog at a time is much nicer!) I also am getting back to biking, following along with Eric Hites/Fat Guy Across America again. I'll post more about that later.
That's all for today! I am coming up on two months of phentermine and am excited to see where month 3 takes me. (I can hardly wait to hit the 220's again! So exciting!) Hope you have a wonderful, blessed weekend!
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