Sunday, February 18, 2018
Employee Agreement Form
Under state laws, only a few category of contracts must be in writing, such as a mortgage contract or contracts covering more than a year. It's still a good idea, however, to have a written agreement for business transactions beyond an ordinary sale of goods. There is no law requiring a lawyer to write your contract. If the transaction is relatively simple, the contract can also be simple. But you also have to pay attention to certain details to avoid issues arising later.
Write a dispute clause to establish the handling of a dispute between the two parties. For example, arbitration is one method the parties can agree to in the case where a dispute arises between them. Establish ownership rights to the work. Even in service situations, a product is sometimes the result of the work, so you should also include which party retains ownership rights. For example, the copywriter can state that she turns over all rights to the writing of the brochure to the customer and that she makes no claims of ownership to the writing once the customer pays for the written product. Add signature and date lines. Be sure to provide a space for each party to sign and date.
Self Esteem Feeds
Clawback Agreement
Describe your obligations, including the service you must perform to fulfill your obligations under the contract and be as detailed as possible. For example, if you are writing a marketing brochure for a customer, describe the length of the brochure, the purpose of the brochure and establish that you are only responsible for providing the text, and not the layout or design, for the brochure.
When you have a business where customers contract you to perform a service, you need a legally binding agreement to spell out of the terms and conditions of the business relationship. According to 'All Business,' a business agreement serves as a guide that all parties to the agreement must follow. Generally, one party draws up the agreement and both parties sign the it as an acknowledgment of the terms and conditions it contains.
Self Esteem Feeds
Non-Importation Agreements
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Self Esteem Feeds
Self Esteem Feeds
Saturday, February 17, 2018
Anton Chekhov’s Letter to His Brother about the 8 Conditions for “Civilized People.”
In 1886, Russian playwright and short-story writer Anton Chekhov wrote a letter of advice to his beloved older brother Nikolai, a talented painter and writer who suffered from severe alcoholism.
Chekhov writes:
To my mind, civilized people ought to satisfy the following conditions:
1. They respect the individual and are therefore always indulgent, gentle, polite and compliant. They do not throw a tantrum over a hammer or a lost eraser. When they move in with somebody, they do not act as if they were doing him a favor, and when they move out, they do not say, "How can anyone live with you!"...
2. Their compassion extends beyond beggars and cats. They are hurt even by things the naked eye can't see. If for instance, Pyotr knows that his father and mother are turning gray and losing sleep over seeing their Pyotr so rarely (and seeing him drunk when he does turn up), then he rushes home to them and sends his vodka to the devil....
3. They respect the property of others and therefore pay their debts.
4. They are candid and fear lies like the plague. They do not lie even about the most trivial matters. A lie insults the listener and debases him in the liar's eyes. They don't put on airs, they behave in the street as they do at home, and they do not try to dazzle their inferiors. They know how to keep their mouths shut and they do not force uninvited confidences on people. Out of respect for the ears of others they are more often silent than not.
5. They do not belittle themselves merely to arouse sympathy. They do not play on people's heartstrings to get them to sigh and fuss over them. They do not say, "No one understands me!" or "I've squandered my talent on trifles!" because this smacks of a cheap effect and is vulgar, false and out-of-date.
6. They are not preoccupied with vain things. They are not taken in by such false jewels as friendships with celebrities, handshakes with drunken Plevako, ecstasy over the first person they happen to meet at the Salon de Varietes, popularity among the tavern crowd....
7. If they have talent, they respect it. They sacrifice comfort, women, wine and vanity to it....
8. They cultivate their aesthetic sensibilities. They cannot stand to fall asleep fully dressed, see a slit in the wall teeming with bedbugs, breathe rotten air, walk on a spittle-laden floor or eat off a kerosene stove. They try their best to tame and ennoble their sexual instinct...
And so on. That's how civilized people act. If you want to be civilized and not fall below the level of the milieu you belong to, it is not enough to read The Pickwick Papers and memorize a soliloquy from Faust. It is not enough to hail a cab and drive off to Yakimanka Street if all you're going to do is bolt out again a week later.
You must work at it constantly, day and night. You must never stop reading, studying in depth, exercising your will. Every hour is precious.
Agree, disagree?
I love lists, manifestos, personal commandments. If you'd like to see my personal commandments, it's here.
Self Help Gurus etc
Flashback Friday: What I Gave Up for Lent in 2010
http://ift.tt/2Ev1SOi
Flashback Friday is a series I started recently where I share an old blog post--I have been writing a blog since 2000, and I thought it would be fun to go through past posts and share them here. Keep in mind, always, that my thoughts and viewpoints have certainly changed over time. I may have written things that no longer apply, or aren't "politically correct", or whatever. I just mean these to be light-hearted posts that are fun to read and make fun of (or relate to, if it's a more serious...
(Click on blog title to read the full post...)
Flashback Friday is a series I started recently where I share an old blog post--I have been writing a blog since 2000, and I thought it would be fun to go through past posts and share them here. Keep in mind, always, that my thoughts and viewpoints have certainly changed over time. I may have written things that no longer apply, or aren't "politically correct", or whatever. I just mean these to be light-hearted posts that are fun to read and make fun of (or relate to, if it's a more serious...
(Click on blog title to read the full post...)
RECIPE: Whole Wheat Pizza Crust
http://ift.tt/2F8IGmD
I missed Tasty Tuesday this week, but in my next post, I reference this recipe... so I figured I'd post it now! I never thought I would like whole wheat pizza crust, but in 2010, I gave up white flour for 40 days, and I was forced to try new things. This pizza crust is amazing! As a fan of white flour, I never thought I'd like this, but I still use this recipe when I make pizza. Click here for the recipe's printer-friendly PDF Whole Wheat Pizza Crust Ingredients: 1 3/4 cups whole...
(Click on blog title to read the full post...)
I missed Tasty Tuesday this week, but in my next post, I reference this recipe... so I figured I'd post it now! I never thought I would like whole wheat pizza crust, but in 2010, I gave up white flour for 40 days, and I was forced to try new things. This pizza crust is amazing! As a fan of white flour, I never thought I'd like this, but I still use this recipe when I make pizza. Click here for the recipe's printer-friendly PDF Whole Wheat Pizza Crust Ingredients: 1 3/4 cups whole...
(Click on blog title to read the full post...)
Friday, February 16, 2018
Assignment And Assumption Agreement
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Self Esteem Feeds
Self Esteem Feeds
Thrifty Thursday: Making Some Quick Cash (and Tax Return Plans!)
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As most of us parents know, kids grow like weeds. It seems like we buy them clothes and two weeks later, the clothes are too small. Right?! This past year, my kids have shot up like rockets. This first picture is from May 2017. The second picture is from January 2018. A nine month difference! Noah needed some new shoes a couple weeks ago, and we went to the running store. You know what size shoe he wears now? ELEVEN. (The running store had their 2017 models on clearance, so he got a pair...
(Click on blog title to read the full post...)
As most of us parents know, kids grow like weeds. It seems like we buy them clothes and two weeks later, the clothes are too small. Right?! This past year, my kids have shot up like rockets. This first picture is from May 2017. The second picture is from January 2018. A nine month difference! Noah needed some new shoes a couple weeks ago, and we went to the running store. You know what size shoe he wears now? ELEVEN. (The running store had their 2017 models on clearance, so he got a pair...
(Click on blog title to read the full post...)
Off the Phentermine, Update
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So far I am doing okay without the Phentermine. I am definitely eating a bit more volume, but trying to make that added volume nutritious and low calorie/carb. This week we went to a potluck dinner and there were several food choices; I settled on a chicken vegetable soup (with no pasta or rice in it), some raw veggie sticks with dip, and a few cubes of fresh melon and pineapple. That's pretty much what I would have chosen to eat on phentermine, but I was hungry again before bed and needed a low carb snack. Right now I am baking some chicken drumsticks for lunch, and will make some broccoli salad to go with them (or to have in the afternoon when I get hungry). I am kind of just pretending I am still on the phentermine and behaving in the same way I did when taking it (you know how you feel like you don't want to "mess up" and are more motivated to be stricter when there is a short term crutch involved? It's like that.)
Funny thing. You know how I wrote about how I have been wearing large, loose clothing all winter so my body is not really on display as much as it will be in warmer weather? And how with the new bra, smaller jeans, tighter sweaters I was getting some more attention? Well it started to get a little overwhelming lately, so I actually went back to the crappy bra and bigger clothes for a few days this week. It felt like I could "hide" a bit and not have to feel weird about all the looks and comments (which I do like, but after awhile I start to feel self conscious). So yesterday when we went to our church's Ash Wednesday service, I deliberately wore my big, loose jacket and not-tight jeans to avoid any attention. It didn't work, though... a friend who I haven't seen in 3 months was standing with another friend and when I walked up she just gasped and said "Oh my God, you have lost so much weight!! You look amazing!" I admit that made me smile. It felt good. I couldn't help but wonder how shocked she'd have been if I was in clothes that actually fit and a good bra! Made me laugh.
Last night I dreamed about weight loss. I dreamed of trying on a lot of new clothes and noticing that every time I tried something on that fit, the next time I wore it, it was too big. In my dream, though, it was not upsetting. It made me happy, even though I kept having to find new clothes to wear. I was content and satisfied with my new body and its changes. Accepting of it. There was no anxiety about it like there has been in real life in the past. When I woke up, I felt this is the new attitude I am adopting about my weight loss. It feels so much calmer and happier... exactly what I need.
So far I am doing okay without the Phentermine. I am definitely eating a bit more volume, but trying to make that added volume nutritious and low calorie/carb. This week we went to a potluck dinner and there were several food choices; I settled on a chicken vegetable soup (with no pasta or rice in it), some raw veggie sticks with dip, and a few cubes of fresh melon and pineapple. That's pretty much what I would have chosen to eat on phentermine, but I was hungry again before bed and needed a low carb snack. Right now I am baking some chicken drumsticks for lunch, and will make some broccoli salad to go with them (or to have in the afternoon when I get hungry). I am kind of just pretending I am still on the phentermine and behaving in the same way I did when taking it (you know how you feel like you don't want to "mess up" and are more motivated to be stricter when there is a short term crutch involved? It's like that.)
Funny thing. You know how I wrote about how I have been wearing large, loose clothing all winter so my body is not really on display as much as it will be in warmer weather? And how with the new bra, smaller jeans, tighter sweaters I was getting some more attention? Well it started to get a little overwhelming lately, so I actually went back to the crappy bra and bigger clothes for a few days this week. It felt like I could "hide" a bit and not have to feel weird about all the looks and comments (which I do like, but after awhile I start to feel self conscious). So yesterday when we went to our church's Ash Wednesday service, I deliberately wore my big, loose jacket and not-tight jeans to avoid any attention. It didn't work, though... a friend who I haven't seen in 3 months was standing with another friend and when I walked up she just gasped and said "Oh my God, you have lost so much weight!! You look amazing!" I admit that made me smile. It felt good. I couldn't help but wonder how shocked she'd have been if I was in clothes that actually fit and a good bra! Made me laugh.
Last night I dreamed about weight loss. I dreamed of trying on a lot of new clothes and noticing that every time I tried something on that fit, the next time I wore it, it was too big. In my dream, though, it was not upsetting. It made me happy, even though I kept having to find new clothes to wear. I was content and satisfied with my new body and its changes. Accepting of it. There was no anxiety about it like there has been in real life in the past. When I woke up, I felt this is the new attitude I am adopting about my weight loss. It feels so much calmer and happier... exactly what I need.
What Happens When Productivity Meets Mental Illness?
You're reading What Happens When Productivity Meets Mental Illness?, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
Motivation and Mental Illness
Several studies in the past have uncovered that employees who struggle with mental illnesses, and particularly with depression, take more sick days than those who aren’t in this situation. The underlying cause behind this is obvious. When you’re unwell, you feel less motivated to face your daily responsibilities and complete tasks. This happens in the case of physical diseases as well, so when the one you’re struggling with affects your mind, the situation is even more serious. All in all, it’s hard to be productive when your psyche isn’t up for it. Needless to say, pressuring yourself into doing things regardless leads to burnouts and even mental breakdowns, so avoid that at all costs.How to Improve Your Productivity
Instead, try to regain your willingness to do your job organically. Take it slow, one day at a time. This is completely possible when you’re being patient with yourself. Still, you will need a bit of a push in the right direction. Here are five actionable steps that will help you remain productive even when you’re struggling with mental illness.1. Choose a Field You Enjoy
There is a clear connection between the conditions in which an activity is sustained and both absenteeism and presenteeism rates among workers who struggle with poor mental health. How much you like or dislike your job is an important aspect of this. Naturally, you will be far more motivated to show up and perform your tasks if you enjoy doing them in the first place. Therefore, choosing a field you are passionate about is crucial. If you’re unsure of how to proceed in this direction, volunteering for a while to try out several occupations is a good idea. Nevertheless, while this can be truly fulfilling in many ways, you need to remember that most of it will be unpaid. So, if you choose to go down this road, keep that in mind. But realistically speaking, not everyone can afford not working until they find their true vocation. Thus, feeling financially pressured to keep doing something that doesn’t make you happy turns into an additional stressor which can impact your mental health negatively. When that is the case, the best thing you can do is focus on the advantages of your current profession.2. Set Realistic Goals for Yourself
A recent study has shown that setting goals is effective in the treatment of mental illness. Most of the participants in the study were able to aptly identify what needed to be done and attain that objective. Thus, you shouldn’t be afraid of wanting to accomplish certain things. Your disorder isn’t as limiting as you might make it out to be. However, it’s important to keep these goals realistic. Expecting too much of yourself and not being able to achieve can impact your self-esteem, which is something most patients already struggle with as is. Be honest with yourself. What skills do you possess? How long would it take you to finalize a task using them? Answer these questions truthfully.3. Focus on the Tasks at Hand
Now that your objectives are clearly outlined, it’s time to get to work on them. To be able to do this, you will need to focus. Nevertheless, people who suffer from disorders of the mind often have trouble with that. Understand that you might not always be able to concentrate and avoid pressuring yourself into it. Instead, let your motivation flow naturally into the situation.4. Declutter Your Workspace
Clutter is one of the main distractors all of us are faced with daily. And when your mental illness is already making it hard to concentrate on something, it can be even more aggravating. This is why staying organized is essential if you want to pay better attention to what you’re doing. Cleaning out your desk is a simple initial step you can take in this direction. But even if your space is neat and tidy, the office as a whole might still be a mess. If you’re finding that improper desk and supply arrangements are damaging your ability to do your job, you will need to take it up with your employer. Provided they are a sensible, understanding person, and you explain the situation candidly to them, some changes might get made.5. Don’t Let Failure Bring You Down
Given your current situation, it’s important to know that failure is an option. If and when it does happen, try not to let it bring you down. Even the most successful people today have their own stories of decline. So, instead of allowing it to lower self-esteem and destroy your confidence, use it as an opportunity to learn an important lesson about growth.Final Thoughts
Staying motivated and productive while you battle anxiety, depression, or even schizophrenia is an achievable prospect. If you take it one day at a time and are realistic about your professional expectations, you are bound to achieve success sooner or later. The essential thing is to never stop trying your best. Alex Moore is a psychology blogger entranced by the word “productive”. When he’s not nagging those around him with stories of positivity, you’ll usually find him writing for www.schizlife.comYou've read What Happens When Productivity Meets Mental Illness?, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
Self Help Gurus etc
Thursday, February 15, 2018
“I Love Running More for the Mental Clarity It Provides Than Anything Else.”
Interview: Melissa Dahl.
Melissa is a senior editor at New York Magazine, and I got to know her work because I've been a long-time fan of Science of Us, a site that has now joined The Cut. The sites cover mental health, human behavior, personality, relationships, work, health, wellness -- all subjects that I love to read about.
Melissa is also the author of new book about a fairly unconventional topic: Cringeworthy: A Theory of Awkwardness. She looks at the situations that make us feel awkward, and argues that such moments -- although, well, awkward -- have great value. Fascinating!
I couldn’t wait to talk to Melissa about happiness, habits, relationships, and productivity.
Gretchen: You’ve done fascinating research. What has surprised or intrigued you – or your readers -- most?
Melissa: It’s funny — when I would tell my friends and colleagues what I was writing about, a lot of them had the same reaction: “You don’t strike me as particularly awkward!” Which, first of all, thank you, I will take the compliment.
But that response kind of encapsulates what ended up interesting me (and surprising me) about this subject. I became somewhat obsessed with the idea of understanding awkwardness as an emotion, not a personality trait. I mean, it can be both of those things — there are certainly “awkward people” out there. But to me, it’s also a feeling. I may not seem “awkward” from the outside, but I feel it almost constantly! I’m always sure I’m saying or doing the wrong thing; I’m always convinced that people are staring or talking about me after I’ve said or done the wrong thing.
Another thing that surprised me as I was studying this odd little emotion: I have a few first drafts of chapters floating around in my Google docs somewhere, which are all about how to totally ward yourself off from this feeling — with science! This book was initially going to be about how to “overcome awkwardness”; I actually just the other day looked at my book contract with Penguin, and that’s the description of the book that’s in there! But I didn’t end up writing about that at all. In the end, it became more about accepting awkwardness, and even appreciating it. It became a way of finding joy in the absolute absurdity of the human experience.
Gretchen: Do you have any habits that continually get in the way of your happiness?
Melissa: TWITTER! Oh my god!
I mean, on the one hand, it’s great. I’ve connected with so many cool people through Twitter — it has brought genuinely good things to my life. I’ve made offline, IRL friends through idle chitchat on the site, and I’ve met editors and writers in my field who I’ve ended up working with. Sometimes it helps spark story ideas, or alerts me to some new psychology research that I’m able to cover before anyone else does. Actually, now that I think about it, I practically owe this book to Twitter: Years ago, I started chatting about running with another writer, who eventually connected me with her literary agent, who eventually sold Cringeworthy to Penguin!
But on the other hand! Oh, the other, terrible hand. I waste so much time on the site, first of all. I know I need to download one of those apps that limits the time you spend on time-waster websites, but I think part of me doesn’t want to give it up. (Also, I tried doing this years ago, and just found ways to get around the blocks I set up for myself — I downloaded the app to Chrome, so after a while, I just started to go to Firefox to get on Twitter. Gah!) It’s also starting to feel almost unethical to stay on the site — I read something somewhere once (maybe on The Awl? RIP!) that compared it to eating meat: It’s something most of us ethically, logically, know we mayyyyybe should give up, or at least limit, but we just … don’t … want to.
Can you quit a habit that part of you doesn’t really want to quit? I don’t know. But I do know this is getting ridiculous; I checked Twitter twice while writing this answer.
Gretchen: Have you ever managed to gain a challenging healthy habit—or to break an unhealthy habit? If so, how did you do it?
Melissa: When I was in the final stages of writing Cringeworthy, a lot of my healthy habits disappeared as I desperately tried to finish this, the biggest project I’ve ever attempted. The last few days were particularly ridiculous: me shunning my perfectly functional desk for an Ikea Poang chair, surrounded by half-drunk cans of energy drinks and various open bags of chips and cookies. (All the greats are said to have had their idiosyncratic writing rituals; I was sad to discover that this, apparently, is mine.)
It really wasn’t that hard to clean my diet back up, but during this time, I’d also totally fallen out of the habit of running, something I’ve done most days of the week for the past 10 years or so. There are obvious physical benefits to running, or cardio in general, but I’ve always loved the activity more for the mental clarity it provides than anything else. I always have some new race on the horizon, which usually helps keep me motivated. But for some reason, I just couldn’t get back into it! I would sign up for races and then fail to train adequately, so I would end up skipping them. I was even supposed to run the NYC Marathon this fall, but had to skip that, too, because — again — I hadn’t kept up with the training.
So I tried something new: a run streak. The rules are simple. You run every single day, for at least one mile. And … it worked! I’ve run every day for the last seventy days, even in the rain, even in the snow. (Okay, sometimes I take it indoors, but still. It counts!) I know you’ve written, Gretchen, on how the small things we do every day sometimes matter more than the big things we do once in a while, and that feels so true to me in this experience.
I don’t know how long I’ll keep it up. One hundred days seems like a nice goal. Only 30 days away at this point! But at the same time, I’ve sort of decided I’m free to abandon it whenever I feel like it. The point of this whole thing was to get back into the habit of running, and that’s certainly happened.
Gretchen: Does anything tend to interfere with your ability to keep your healthy habits? (e.g. travel, parties)
Melissa: Honestly, I sometimes struggle with feeling like a total pain, or a killjoy! I want to eat healthy, but if everyone else is ordering fries, I feel like I’m letting them down, somehow, if I order a salad. People comment on it, you know? Or if I’m on vacation, and I get up to go running, people comment on that too. It’s those little comments that bug me more than they should. Sometimes I brush them off, but sometimes even anticipating them is enough to make me drop my habit for the duration of the dinner out, or the group vacation, or whatever.
I’m getting better at sticking to my healthy habits, anyway, though. Maybe it’s just a matter of growing up a bit, and feeling more comfortable in my own dorky Upholder skin.
Gretchen: Would you describe yourself as an Upholder, a Questioner, a Rebel, or an Obliger?
Melissa: As I mentioned earlier, I lean Upholder, for sure. It’s usually not difficult for me to keep outer and inner expectations — well, with the exception of Twitter, I guess? Ha. But, yeah — I run marathons for fun, I wrote this book on top of having a full-time job. I floss.
What I’ve really appreciated from your writing about the Four Tendencies is something that you’ve said yourself, Gretchen — correct me if I’m wrong, but I seem to remember you saying that people have asked you things about the changes you made while writing books like The Happiness Project like, “How did you get yourself to do that?” And your response was something like, “I just … did it?” That’s mostly how I operate, too. I decide to make a change, and it doesn’t take a whole lot of inner or outer cajoling to make it happen. (I guess with the run streak and the Twitter debacle I’ve described my exceptions to this rule! But generally, when I decide to do something, I do just … do it.) I grew up going to church, and my favorite verse even when I was a little kid encapsulates this tendency of mine. I like the old-timey King James Version: “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.”
Anyway! What I’ve really appreciated about this notion of “tendencies” is the grace it’s reminded me to give other people. Not everyone functions the way I do — and that’s fine! It’s helped me so much at work and in my personal life, as a gentle little reminder that different people are different, and not everyone sees and responds to the world in the same way I do.
Gretchen: I would also, of course, shine a spotlight on anything that you’d particularly like to bring to readers’ attention.
Melissa: This sort of builds on that last question, of reminding yourself that your way of seeing the world is not the only way of seeing the world. It gets at what I’ve started to call Cringe Theory.
I think that the moments that make you cringe are the moments when you realize that there is a difference between the way you perceive yourself and the way that others perceive you. Something that really helped me understand the feeling, actually, was a piece I wrote a couple years ago for Science of Us, about why so many of us cringe at the sound of our own voices. Briefly, here’s an explanation for why our voices sound so different to us when we hear them played back: When you speak, you hear your own voice through your ears, but you’re also sort of hearing it through the bones of your skull. Bone conduction transmits lower frequencies than air conduction; if you’ve ever heard a recording of your own voice and been surprised at how much higher-pitched you sound, this is why.
So, okay, that helps explain why your recorded voice sounds so different. But why does that make you cringe?
This turns out to be a pretty perfect metaphor for my understanding of cringe theory. I think we cringe — so, we feel awkward, in other words — when the version of ourselves we think we’re presenting to the world meets the version of ourselves the world is actually seeing. We like to pretend those two are one and the same, and that the way you perceive yourself is the way others are perceiving you, too. Sometimes that’s true. But when it isn’t — when you see the way your self-concept isn’t measuring up to others’ concept of you — I think that’s when we cringe at ourselves.
It’s when we cringe at others, too — when we can see the self that someone else is trying to present to the world, and we can also see that they’re not quite succeeding.
So, looked at in this way, awkward or embarrassing moments are moments that force you out of your own perspective and into someone else’s. They remind you that your way of looking at the world is not the only way. I’ve come to genuinely love them for that. It’s nice to get a break every once in a while from your own point of view.
Self Help Gurus etc
Phentermine's Not Working Anymore
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I guess it's real, and I have to acknowledge it: it seems the phentermine is not working anymore. I've been on it since late August (so over 5 months) and it was doing its job just fine (appetite suppression) all along. Even through January, which was a great month for me, losing 9 pounds... the most I'd lost in a month since that very first month on phentermine. But like I wrote last week, my appetite *has* been increasing... not in cravings, but in the amount of food it takes for me to feel "not hungry" and how long I can go between meals or snacks. I've been eating larger portions and more frequently and have had to put forth more effort to keep the calories low enough to keep losing. I guess what I'm saying is, I am doing a lot more of the work and phentermine is doing less.
This week it felt like it's stopped working completely. Like I am back to baseline in how hungry I feel and how much I want to eat. Well, maybe not *true* baseline, because my stomach feels like it has shrunk from months of eating smaller portions... and that's a good thing! I don't want to stretch it back out by overfilling it, either, so when I do eat, I stop short of feeling full. Just at or below satisfied... just enough that I am not hungry anymore.
Anyway, the last couple of days I even forgot to take my second half of phentermine because it has little to no effect anyway, whether I take it or not. It doesn't change my hunger level and doesn't give me any energy whatsoever. So I stopped it yesterday and am taking a break for a bit, or maybe permanently. I've read on the phentermine forums that it usually stops working after 3 months (so I am lucky!) and sometimes people will take a break from it for a month and then try it again if they still need to lose more weight and their rate of loss has slowed. I have an appointment with my endocrinologist soon, so I'll see what she thinks I should do. But for now, I'm off it.
I also am sitting at 205 pounds, still. That's nine days straight. I've been reading my old blog posts from back in 2010 when I was losing weight with Medifast. It was a real head game for me when I got close to that 199/200 pound barrier. There is something important... emotional... about crossing that threshold from the 200's into the "doesn't sound so huge" 100's. It messed with my head a bit back then, and it still seems like such a huge deal. I am getting close. I'm feeling the feelings surrounding this and not hiding from them. I look forward to getting out of the 200's again, even though my fear of going back up the scale is a *lot* more real to me this time around. After all that work and everything I experienced, I never would have believed I'd regain and get near 260 pounds again. But I did, so I know I could again. I pray not, and will work hard for it, but now I know that even if you think it could never happen, you might be surprised. But for now, I just need to get the weight off. Keeping it off is another battle.
I guess it's real, and I have to acknowledge it: it seems the phentermine is not working anymore. I've been on it since late August (so over 5 months) and it was doing its job just fine (appetite suppression) all along. Even through January, which was a great month for me, losing 9 pounds... the most I'd lost in a month since that very first month on phentermine. But like I wrote last week, my appetite *has* been increasing... not in cravings, but in the amount of food it takes for me to feel "not hungry" and how long I can go between meals or snacks. I've been eating larger portions and more frequently and have had to put forth more effort to keep the calories low enough to keep losing. I guess what I'm saying is, I am doing a lot more of the work and phentermine is doing less.
This week it felt like it's stopped working completely. Like I am back to baseline in how hungry I feel and how much I want to eat. Well, maybe not *true* baseline, because my stomach feels like it has shrunk from months of eating smaller portions... and that's a good thing! I don't want to stretch it back out by overfilling it, either, so when I do eat, I stop short of feeling full. Just at or below satisfied... just enough that I am not hungry anymore.
Anyway, the last couple of days I even forgot to take my second half of phentermine because it has little to no effect anyway, whether I take it or not. It doesn't change my hunger level and doesn't give me any energy whatsoever. So I stopped it yesterday and am taking a break for a bit, or maybe permanently. I've read on the phentermine forums that it usually stops working after 3 months (so I am lucky!) and sometimes people will take a break from it for a month and then try it again if they still need to lose more weight and their rate of loss has slowed. I have an appointment with my endocrinologist soon, so I'll see what she thinks I should do. But for now, I'm off it.
I also am sitting at 205 pounds, still. That's nine days straight. I've been reading my old blog posts from back in 2010 when I was losing weight with Medifast. It was a real head game for me when I got close to that 199/200 pound barrier. There is something important... emotional... about crossing that threshold from the 200's into the "doesn't sound so huge" 100's. It messed with my head a bit back then, and it still seems like such a huge deal. I am getting close. I'm feeling the feelings surrounding this and not hiding from them. I look forward to getting out of the 200's again, even though my fear of going back up the scale is a *lot* more real to me this time around. After all that work and everything I experienced, I never would have believed I'd regain and get near 260 pounds again. But I did, so I know I could again. I pray not, and will work hard for it, but now I know that even if you think it could never happen, you might be surprised. But for now, I just need to get the weight off. Keeping it off is another battle.
Wednesday, February 14, 2018
Avoid These Traps When Building Self-Esteem
Living with low self-esteem has many negative consequences. It can make you unwilling and unmotivated to achieve what you are capable of, averse to relationships that you deserve, and it can make you vulnerable to depression. In order to protect yourself, it is, therefore, vital to building your self-esteem. However, there are methods for achieving this that can end up fostering other negative outcomes in your life. Building self-esteem can sometimes involve traps. If you want to maximize your well-being and have more positive interactions with people, then it pays to be mindful of these pitfalls.
Building Self-Esteem Can Lead to Narcissism
Dr Kristin Neff has argued that working on self-compassion is superior to building self-esteem. She points out how the latter can lead to narcissism, for example. Following the self-esteem movement of the 80s, many professionals have pointed to its apparent failures. Dr David Sack said that the movement involved parents telling their kids they could do no wrong and showering them with unconditional praise. He says that “our modern emphasis on praise” might be making kids more self-obsessed.
On the other hand, researchers have underscored that it is not self-esteem in itself that is making young people increasingly narcissistic. An alternative explanation is that the methods intended to build self-esteem end up raising narcissism. Believing that you are unique and extraordinary is where the problem lies.
What we should practice instead is valuing and liking ourselves, without believing that we are special snowflakes and superior to others.
Feelings of Jealousy
When building self-esteem is based on social comparisons, rather than just internal evaluations, we become more prone to feelings of jealousy. If, for example, you value yourself based on how your careers compare to others’, then you may feel good about being more highly skilled than someone else; but you will end up feeling jealous about those who have achieved more.
As a writer, I have often struggled with these jealous feelings. I might go on social media and see someone younger than me but who has managed to get their work published in a newspaper that has previously rejected my pitch. This kind of jealousy may not always be bad if it encourages me to improve myself. However, it’s negative to the extent that it prevents me from sincerely being happy for others and wanting others to do well.
When self-esteem is fuelled by jealousy, it makes it less stable, more prone to be swayed by the achievements and successes of others. Jealousy also encourages us to be dissatisfied with what we have, believing that we can only feel good about ourselves once we have what someone else has.
Resentment Towards Others
In upward social comparisons, when we compare ourselves to those who are doing better than us, we can also end up feeling resentment, anger and bitterness towards those people. Like with jealousy, feeling this resentment against others because of their advantages can be a roadblock in your capacity to wish the best for others and celebrate positivity in the world.
Positive interactions with people depend on a genuine appreciation of who they are. In contrast, bitterness can cause our relationships to suffer. Holding onto anger can also end up affecting both your mental and physical health.
Ultimately, if you want to build self-esteem that is strong, consistent, and optimal for your well-being, then it’s best to avoid social comparisons. Your worth does not depend on what others are doing.
Sources
- Harleytherapy.co.uk. Is Low Self-Esteem Causing Your Depression?
- Huffingtonpost.com, David Sack, MD. Could Your Child Have Too Much Self-Esteem?
- Scientificamerican.com, Eddie Brummelman. Does Raising Self-Esteem Turn Children Into Narcissists?
- Journal of Personality, Twenge J.M. et al. Egos Inflating Over Time: A Cross-Temporal Meta-Analysis of the Narcissistic Personality Inventory.
- Mind.org.uk. How to deal with anger.
Self Esteem Feeds
78 Inspiring Love Quotes
Today is Valentine’s Day.
So I would like to share thoughts about love from the people who have walked this earth before us (and from a few who are still here).
Timeless thoughts written down and spread throughout the decades, centuries and, yes, even millenniums.
Thoughts not only about happy, romantic love but also the love between friends and family. And about the love that is often neglected or pushed to the side: the love you have for yourself.
This is 78 of the most inspiring, touching, thought-provoking and helpful quotes on love.
- “Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.”
— James Baldwin - “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”
— Lucille Ball - “Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.”
— Rainer Maria Rilke - “The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”
— Morrie Schwartz - “Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey.”
— Lord Byron - “If I know what love is, it is because of you.”
— Herman Hesse - “I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.”
— Roy Croft - “Love is a friendship set to music.”
— Joseph Campbell - “We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.”
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe - “When we are in love we seem to ourselves quite different from what we were before.”
— Blaise Pascal - “Love in its essence is spiritual fire.”
— Seneca - “The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.”
— Gilbert K. Chesterton - “It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know. We all know people who are so much afraid of pain that they shut themselves up like clams in a shell and, giving out nothing, receive nothing and therefore shrink until life is a mere living death.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt - “Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving. You don’t have forever.”
— Leo Buscaglia - “Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”
— Maya Angelou - “There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”
— George Sand - “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
— Rumi - “Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.”
— Lao Tzu - “You know it’s love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you’re not part of their happiness.”
— Julia Roberts - “At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.”
— Plato - “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you… I could walk through my garden forever.”
— Alfred Tennyson - “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”
— Marcus Aurelius - “The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.”
— Helen Keller - “Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.”
— Oscar Wilde - “The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love.”
— Henry Miller - “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
— Oprah Winfrey - “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
– Buddha - “You know you’re in love when you don’t want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
— Dr. Seuss - “Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.”
— Khalil Gibran - “’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
— Alfred Lord Tennyson - “Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.”
— Vincent Van Gogh - “The art of love is largely the art of persistence.”
— Albert Ellis - “If you would be loved, love, and be loveable.”
— Benjamin Franklin - “When you adopt the viewpoint that there is nothing that exists that is not part of you, that there is no one who exists who is not part of you, that any judgment you make is self-judgment, that any criticism you level is self-criticism, you will wisely extend to yourself an unconditional love that will be the light of the world.”
– Harry Palmer - “Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness.”
— Euripides - “Love does not dominate; it cultivates.”
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe - “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.”
— Paulo Coelho - “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”
— Martin Luther King, Jr. - “A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time. We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life.”
– Andrew Matthews - “We are most alive when we’re in love.”
— John Updike - “The love we give away is the only love we keep.”
— Elbert Hubbard - “The giving of love is an education in itself.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt - “The more one judges, the less one loves.”
— Honore de Balzac - “Love is so short, forgetting is so long.”
— Pablo Neruda - “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
– Elizabeth Kubler-Ross - “A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.”
— Ingrid Bergman - “You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.” — Diane Von Furstenberg
- “Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.’”
— Erich Fromm - “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
— Lao Tzu - “One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.”
— Sophocles - “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see in truth that you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
— Kahlil Gibran - “Love is when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself.”
— Andre Breton - “Better to have lost and loved than never to have loved at all.”
— Ernest Hemingway - “A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”
— Elbert Hubbard - “I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.”
— Kristen Neff - “Love is a better teacher than duty.”
— Albert Einstein - “True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.”
— Erich Segal - “If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.”
– Barbara De Angelis - “The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love.”
— Hubert H. Humphrey - “Every person has to love at least one bad partner in their lives to be truly thankful for the right one.”
— Unknown - “There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
– Anaïs Nin - “Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.”
— James Thurber - “The best proof of love is trust.”
— Joyce Brothers - “A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.”
— Honore de Balzac - “When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits – anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.”
– Kim McMillen - “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.”
— Josh Billings - “For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.”
— Carl Sagan - “Fortune and love favor the brave.”
— Ovid - “To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.”
— T. Tolis - “Love is not only something you feel, it is something you do.”
— David Wilkerson - “Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.”
— Wayne Dyer - “Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”
— Anaïs Nin - “Where there is love there is life.”
— Mahatma Gandhi - “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
— Robert A. Heinlein - “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
— Martin Luther King Jr. - “And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make.”
— Paul McCartney - “If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”
— A. A. Milne - “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
— Charles Schulz
What is your favorite quote on love? Feel free to share the best one(s) you have found in this article or in your own life in the comments section below.
Self Help Gurus etc
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